How am I feeling...

...After a couple of rums and a little update on facebook, I feel I want to write something, how dangerous is that!!!

I have decided my hair is going. I have had enough and I enjoy my wigs far too much, is that strange?

I can't handle all this topless dilemma, I have to let go and go out in the big, wild world as me, not hiding behind anything. Well, I am not ready. I will get the clippers on it asap!!!

I would love to get back in touch with the family I have ignored because I had bigger things to deal with but it is difficult. I have something huge I have to deal with and don't need the pain of criticism at the moment. Not the right time. Chemo is the next step, do I take it or not, I am feeling so well, I am looking at going back to work, do I really want to destroy that?

What to do, Warriors say it is good to go for alimta.....I am inclined to listen to them. So scary..... I hate mesothelioma and I hate Theo at times like this..... Just need to get away from it all!!!

Will be seeing my baby in January, how good is that, I miss him so much. Just need a hug and some love right now.... Silly cow I am!!!!

Note: I felt very lonely and scared when I wrote this last night. It has been very difficult with the family, I don't normally write about them but on this occasion I will make an exception. I have been told as far as one of them is concerned, I am dead already, also other nasty things have been said by other members of my family, also been accused of saying things on FB which I haven't, not nice things to say but to save myself the heartache, I have kept away for a reason. I am happier with things this way as I have to concentrate on being positive and don't need the negativity that some of my family bring. I will continue to work hard to educate people about the dangers of asbestos and will continue to do it in memory of my dad who should be here today. Neither of us deserved what we got. I am happy being in touch with my sister and with my children, my friends have been the best and the warriors, well, enough said, they are remarkable.

Happy new year to them all, I hope 2012 brings them happiness and love.

READ MORE - How am I feeling...

Moving forward.

Kieran and I waiting for our pizza.

Well, it's nearly the end of another year. I have notched up 5 years so far since I was diagnosed. I have stepped into my 6th year and am hoping that it will be as fruitful as the rest.

Yesterday Kieran met his friend at warner village and went to the cinema with him. While the boys were watching their film, Karen, Kieran's friends mum, and I had a cola in the super bowl and then moved onto coffee in Frankie and Benny's. We had a huge catch up on what has been happening with us. We met the boys after they had seen their film and went our separate ways.

Kieran and I decided we would get pizza for all of us and we stopped off in pizza hut.

We had a lovely evening, it was so good being with him rather than sharing him with his xbox!!

READ MORE - Moving forward.

Remembering warriors throughout the year.

I lit my candles for all these lovely people and their families.

Carl Hoisington (Mesothelioma)Frank (Jane's dad) (Mesothelioma)

Matt (Ria's dad) (Mesothelioma)

Peter Hambly (Mesothelioma)

Geoff (Mesothelioma)

Kazik (Irene's Husband) (Mesothelioma)

Mike Caulfield (Angela and Tracey's dad) (Mesothelioma)

Rob Daley (Brain cancer)

Margaret Shelton (Breast cancer)

Alan Foot (Mesothelioma)

Alan Stafford (Mesothelioma)

Julie Bastian (Mesothelioma)

Veronica 'Ronny' White (Mesothelioma)

Becky Burchfield (Mesothelioma)

Anita Steiner (Mesothelioma)

David Phillips (Mesothelioma)

Rachel (Korea) (Mesothelioma)

If I have missed anyone off or got dates wrong, please let me know.

READ MORE - Remembering warriors throughout the year.

Lighting a candle for warriors.

I have lit 4 candles in memory of loved ones, their families and those fighting mesothelioma.

Mavis gave me a lovely candle holder for Christmas, she was my secret santa. It looks gorgeous lit. I have added 3 other candles to it.

This is from the ADAO site and explains why we light 4 candles:

On December 28th, light four candles, in loving memory of our Mesothelioma Warriors who have lost their courageous battle. “As we light these four candles in honor of you, we light one for our grief, one for our courage, one for our memories, and one for our love.”

LIGHT THE FIRST CANDLE: ‘The light of this first candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense. It reminds us of the depth of our love for you.”

LIGHT THE SECOND CANDLE: “The light of this second candle represents the courage it takes to confront our sorrow, to comfort each other, to change our lives.”

LIGHT THE THIRD CANDLE: “This third candle is a light to all of our memories of you. To the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry with each other, the silly things you did, the caring and the joy you gave us.”

LIGHT THE FOURTH CANDLE: “This fourth candle is the light of our love. As we go forward, day by day we cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you. We thank you for the gift your life brought to each of us. We love you always.”

READ MORE - Lighting a candle for warriors.

Pressies for Halo : )

Halo's gifts.

I went to PC world with Siobhan yesterday to get her a graphics pen to go with her iPad. We stopped in Halfords and I found some things for my car, Halo.

There was a dragonfly tax disc holder, a steering wheel cover and some paw prints to put on her.

Siobhan and I will have great fun doing that.

I went out last night with my friends, Chrissy and Neets. We had a great time, I haven't been out on boxing day for years.

It has been a great year, another one conquered and looking forward to doing more next year.

I have loved every minute of it so far and sure there will be more frivolities in the new year.

READ MORE - Pressies for Halo : )

Wonderful day yesterday.

Getting ready to start the Christmas lunch. My friend Tina got me a smashing pair of rubber gloves : )
A gift from warrior Jane who lost her dad to meso and is still missed so very much.
A snowdrop fairy.
She has pride of place beside a picture of my wonderful dad. Merry Christmas Ted (Jane's dad) and dad where ever you are x x
Kieran opening his warrior secret santa.
Some cool tunes to play : ) ........
...... and theres more......
..... a boys book : ) He was so pleased with his gift.
Kieran opening his main present......
How happy is he : )

My warrior secret santa gift from Mavis..........
Thank you Mavis, this is lovely x x x
A gift from Mavis and her husband, Ray...........
..........a snowdrop mobile, so pretty..........
.....it looks great beside Cher's snowdrop painting : )
A gift from Linda and Steve Wride............

......... thank you so much, it is gorgeous : )A gift from Rich ...........
Thanks Rich, love you so much x x x

A gift from Siobhan and David her boyfriend.............
.. Metopolis earrings.... wonderful. I love the old black and white film Metropolis.....these are very much in that style.
.......and another one from Siobhan and David.......
Thank you baby, you can never go wrong with chocolate : )

My baby girl and her latest addition to the stable...... gusty.........
Siobhan opening her pony calendar, how happy are we with our day? Very happy : )

There were gifts galore yesterday. I was so excited at seeing Siobhan and Kieran's faces as they opened their presents. I called Rich to see how he was and wish him a merry Christmas. I asked him to open his gift while I was on the phone, he did and was so pleased to see he had an iPad 2. His girlfriend and her children were pleased with their gifts too. He sounded so happy with his new family, we all miss him so much, Kieran and I are going to see him very soon. It will be lovely to meet his girlfriend and the two girls.

Kieran was happy with his gifts, he had a secret santa gift from the warriors and his gifts from us, again he was pleased with his iPad, he has the first version and hopefully will enjoy hos music even more with this and stop nicking my mac : )

Siobhan had a day full of my litttle pony, I bought her a rare one, she wasn't sure if it was customised, I told her it was the real thing, her smile was so precious.

She had her main present too, an iPad, it will be a bonus for her as she starts her business, such a lot less to carry around.

All in all I had 3 very happy children. I invited the ex husband around as he had Kieran's present. He stayed from Christmas eve till boxing day, he would have been on hos own and as he loves Kieran so much, I wanted him to have as much time as possible with him.

Today is just going to be a lazy day, yesterday was busy with peeling veg and making the meal but so lovely to be here with my babies, what better Christmas gift, thank you so much Theo for the best present ever : )

READ MORE - Wonderful day yesterday.

Merry Christmas from all at Mesothelioma and me.

I went to my first ever midnight mass, at St Andrews church, last night with my friend Chrissy.

The church was full, we sang carils and I said a little prayer to myself for all those going through pain and sadness at the moment, especially for the Turnbull family.

I will update my blog with events from Christmas day, I am so proud to be with my family once again. It is a joy seeing them open all their gifts with a wonderful smile on their faces.

Merry Christmas to all who read my blog and support me every day with wonderful words and kindness.

Have a fabulous Christmas. Thinking of all those without their loved ones this year, a first Christmas without a family member is very painful, the rest are too but the first one has to be the most painful. Sending love and special hugs to each and every one of them this Christmas.

READ MORE - Merry Christmas from all at Mesothelioma and me.

All ready : )

I am all set for the next few days, shopping done, Pressies bought and wrapped and a nice little bonus in the post : )

I have a few more deliveries to do and we all will be set for the big day. I hope my children love what I have got them. I love seeing their faces when they see their special gifts.

I have had my special gift, I am here again for my 6 th Christmas since 2006.

Nothing will ever compare to that.

My thoughts and love are with those wonderful families who are going through a very difficult time.

The first year without a loved one has to be the worst.

I saw a little verse on facebook which was so lovely I thought I would share it on here.

"I wanted to call you today to say I love you, but your old number is no longer in service.
I tried the operator she said sorry i have no number for you. I tried to go to your house, but you don't live there anymore. The post office has no forwarding address.
I guess heaven is just too far away.
I love you, I miss you. You are in my heart always.
Loved ones are gone, but not forgotten.
Merry Christmas to all those in heaven."

I also watched What ever happened to baby Jane last night, what a fabulous film, Bette Davis was awesome.

I loved the song she sang and have copied it here to dedicate to my dad x x

I've written a letter to Daddy
his address is heaven above.
I've written "Dear Daddy, we miss you
and wish you were with us to love."

Instead of a stamp I put kisses,
the postman said, "That's best to do."
I've written this letter to Daddy,
saying, "I love you."

I love you dad x xx

READ MORE - All ready : )

Rachel Lee

I was saddened to hear the news that Rachel had passed away, she was 45 years old, far too young to lose her life. We became friends on facebook and I had wondered how she was as she told me she had stopped treatment back in September. Such a young life taken far too soon. Rachel was from Korea and did a lot to support asbestos awareness.

On behalf of all at Mesothelioma and me we send condolences to her family.

Such a very sad time of year to lose someone, it makes it all the more painful.

Todays blog is dedicated to Rachel x x x

READ MORE - Rachel Lee

Crazy Christmas catchup!!

I have been very busy the last few days. Monday I met my friend Tina for lunch and we swapped gifts, yesterday it was my friend Mandy's turn and today a friend I met at Orange a few years ago.

In between I have been making sure I have all the gifts I need and am getting very excited about seeing Siobhan and Kieran's face Christmas day. I hope they love what I have got them. I will have to wait to hear from Rich, this will be the first one without one of my babies.

I hope he has a wonderful Christmas with his new family.

Tomorrow I have my asda delivery, just got that one as all the delivery slots were full apart from 2-3.

I did get the cats a Christmas gift each but Stork has decided he can't wait and has opened it already, wiht the help of Basil, the stray cat....how naughty they are.

I think I am already to go, if not it's too bad. Kieran's dad is coming to our house on Christmas day, he is on his own so it would be unfair not to invite him. He is bringing Kieran's present from him down to ours Christmas morning. Should be fun!!!

READ MORE - Crazy Christmas catchup!!

Happy Birthday Kieran x x x

My little Bean, Kieran, is 15 today. Time has gone by so fast, where has 15 years gone?

He had a treat with friends last week, his dad and I took him to the cinema and for pizza, with 3 friends, for a birthday treat.

He was thrilled this morning when he found he had birthday money, he will be off in town tomorrow with his dad to get what he wants with it.

I am picking up his birthday cake today.

Have a fabulous day Bean, I love you so much x x x

READ MORE - Happy Birthday Kieran x x x

FOR ALL MY FAMILY & FRIENDS AND FELLOW WARRIORS
Merry Christmas. Please re-post and spread some cheer!!
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¨¨¨¨¨¨Merry ~ \_Christmas_/¨¨¨¨To You All ♥♥

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Wonderful day yesterday.

The rainbow outside Chrissy's house.......
....... At the Cremetorium as well.
Lovely to see the vase is still there and the council have strapped it to the support for the rose tree.
Flowers for my dad x x
Cream tea at Saltram.


It was my dads birthday yesterday so I made arrnagements to visit my dads plaque in the rememberance garden. I went with my friend, Chrissy. Her dad is buried there and she has a memorial there for her sister as well. When we left chrissy's house to go to the cremetorium, there was the most beautiful rainbow, it stretched right across the sky, a beautiful bow shape.

We got to the cremetorium and it was still there, it was so magical, it made the day even more special. We left a rose each for Debbie, our lovely friend who lost her life to mesothelioma last year.

It was very windy, we had a struggle getting to the memorial garden, I had flowers and a brolly and Chrissy had her hand on my wig, just incase it decided to take flying lessons!

I was so pleased to see that the council had tied the vases that I have for my dad and my cousin, to the peice of wood that is supporting the rose trees.

I was ready to buy new ones as they keep going missing.

We left flowers at my dads plaque and at my ousin Robert's. We made our way to Chrissy's dad's grave and left some flowers for him. We had a few tears between us as we both miss our dads so much. We walked back up the path to get back in my car, the rainbow had now gone, we decided to go to Saltram as it is quieter than town, and have a cuppa. Such a lovely day, we had a cream tea between us, beautiful. a perfect end to a lovely afternoon.

READ MORE - Wonderful day yesterday.

Happy 73rd Birthday Dad.

It is my dad's birthday today, another year without him. It has gone so fast, this will be his 6th birthday in heaven.

Dad,

There are many wonderful people in heaven with you, have a massive party with them and celebrate your birthday in style, I know you are beside me everyday, if you weren't I wouldn't be here I am sure. Thank you for showing me the steps I needed to take to get another Christmas with my wonderful babies. I miss you so much, I carry you in my heart everyday and hope you will continue to show me the path I should take.

Have a wonderful birthday wherever you are, I will raise a glass to you and light a candle in your memory.

I miss you and love you, I would sell my soul for one for day with you, I have so many things I want to ask you. Take care of all those I love, especially my children. Let your angle wings protect us always x x x

I love you dad x x x

READ MORE - Happy 73rd Birthday Dad.

Alan Reinstein award.

Emily, Linda and Alan Reinstein.

I am very honoured and proud to accept the Alan Reinstein award for commitment to education, advocacy and support to countless patients and families.

Alan Reinstein was diagnosed in 2003 and died in 2006, since his death, his widow, Linda, has fought tirelessly to change and educate the world about asbestos.

To have an award in her husbands name is a wonderful tribute, I am following in the footsteps of many wonderful and inspirational people.

This award belongs to all the warriors as without them I wouldn't have the support I need to continue with what I do.

I am not sure if I can get to America to recieve it, I would love to but will have to speak to my oncologist as I may be having chemo in February/ March.

Thank you so much Linda for this award, it is a pleasure and honour to accept it : )

READ MORE - Alan Reinstein award.

Cold wet and happy.

Ann and Pam.
Me with Ann.
Pam and I.
Ann and Bill's Christmas card they made to sell for the meso group.

The weather has turned very cold here, it is wet and miserable outside. I am not going to moan about it as there are many people who would love to have their loved ones here to moan about the weather.

I got a skirt from my cupboard and thought I would run the iron over it.....dopey sod I am.... I realised I was holding the food mixer!!

I went out to lunch today with Ann and Pam from our support group. I was late getting to the venue, Veneziana, an italian place in the city centre. Trying to find a parking space was terrible. I did get one in the end and eventually arrived at 12:45 rather that 12:30 as planned. All was good though, the ladies were chatting and said they were treating me to lunch as a surprise, how lovely is that. Ann gave me her last pack of cards, they had done so well to sell them in support of our group. Pam gave me a gift too, so kind of her, theres me just turning up with cards!!!

We had a good old natter, Pam is a sweetheart, she lost her husband a few months back and must be finding this time of year so difficult.

I left the ladies at about 2:40 and headed back for my car, I knew Siobhan was out so had to get back for Kieran. I got home only to find that I forgot to pick my keys up before I went out.... D'oh!!

I was in desperate need of the bathroom so calledf Tina, my lovely friend and asked if I could pop over and use her facilities. I met Kieran from his bus, who wasn't too happy with me as we couldn't get in so I told him he could stand in the cold and rain outside the house if he wanted to and I would see him later, He decided that he would rather come with me : )

I got to Tina's used her bathroom a nd had a cuppa and a natter. Phew....now all I had to do was to wait for Siobhan to call and I would pick her up and then go home.

We got back and settled into our house, 3 cats watching us as we came in ........ Yes 3..... one is a stray who has made himself at home.

How dare we leave them so long : )

READ MORE - Cold wet and happy.