Feeling Down today.

I am feeling so low today. I feel like I want to hide in a hole and cry. I think it is all the procedures that are on the horizon. TOF op next week, not knowing if I am having radio therapy or going to Germany. I hate this part of the disease. With Christmas on the horizon as well, it is all so emotional.

Juggling the family with treatments is a tough one too, making sure Keiran is ok, leaving him with Siobhan is fine as long as he doesn't kick off, leaving him with Rich is an absolute no.

When Kieran has one of his moments, everyone knows about it.

I am supposed to be going out with friends this evening, I really don't feel like it but I am going to force myself. I am not drinking a the mood I am in, I will spoil the evening.

I hate mesothelioma so much, not just for me but for everyone affected. It messes with peoples minds as well as their bodies. It isn't just mesothelioma that does it, it is all cancers and terminal illnesses.

I will be glad when this has passed, I will probably be ok tomorrow.